


Peace

by PayItForwardYo



Series: Scars [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PayItForwardYo/pseuds/PayItForwardYo
Summary: All she wants is a little peace, for herself and for Sam.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Janet Fraiser
Series: Scars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2167992
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Peace

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how I ended up back here but suddenly I really wanted to visit Sam and Janet. The characterizations are probably a bit off as I write the characters I internalized as a 23 year younger me, and not necessarily the characters we were presented, but that was a really long time ago you all! And it may be a little tropey? I wasn't gonna post it because of that, but then I realized that was also a 23 year younger me thing. Today me doesn't do that. :-)
> 
> No relation to canon. #JanetDeservedBetter

"What about this?" Sam twisted the monitor around so Janet could see it from the middle of the infirmary where she was going about tasks that didn't require the broken machinery Sam was working on. The sheer quantity of technology at Janet's disposal was awe inspiring - until it stopped working.

Janet peered across the floor with a slight squint, then nodded. "Better, but the last two sensors are still missing."

"Ok, good. That's progress," She returned gamely, with a good natured but tired sigh. Janet also caught her wince as she returned the workstation to its prior position and she frowned at Sam's back. It was the third time she'd caught her discomfort in the last hour alone.

"Hey, you ok?" She couldn't help it. Sam was notoriously stoic, and unless body parts were falling off there was no way she would be interested in acknowledging anything amiss, but Janet asked anyway. She knew she'd called Sam over for help at the tail end of a grueling shift, and that was hours ago now. 

Janet walked closer even as she got the absent minded, "Yeah sure," she was expecting. They didn't touch much at work as a general rule, the military being what it was, but she let a hand rest on Sam's back when she got near. 

The muscles under her hand were strung so tight she could feel it through the thick, durable, and vaguely unflattering BDUs Sam favored while on base. "Sam," Janet breathed out, her voice dropping a register with her displeasure and concern. "Your back's a mess. How long have you been on duty?"

Janet pulled a little at the shoulder under her hand and Sam swiveled around, the stool offering zero resistance to Janet's gentle tug. They ended up more or less face to face and Janet saw Sam's mind switch from the sensors to replaying the conversation she'd only half been paying attention to.

"Oh, uhm, a while I guess," she hedged, but Janet just narrowed her eyes and waited. She got a sigh after a short pause and then the proper answer. 

"16 hours," Sam mumbled in the vague direction of their feet.

Janet was one breath away from scolding her lover but the lecture stuck in her throat. Sam was here because she asked. There was a whole team dedicated to maintaining their infrastructure and it hadn't even occurred to her to call them. She called Sam because she knew she would come, and fix it. Janet closed her mouth with an audible snap.

Something must have shown on her face because Sam tugged at her hand immediately, letting their joined hands fall into her lap boldly. "No, don't **do** that. That's why I didn't say anything. You can always call me. I want you to call me."

Unsure, Janet worried her lip between her teeth. 

"It would take so much longer if you didn't," Sam continued without a hint of pride, and taking the opening she could sense in Janet's hesitation. "We're almost there, just two more sensors to go." 

Sam's slightly crooked smile and gentle squeeze on the hand she still cradled, less than platonically, softened Janet further. With a huff she let herself be swayed, knowing Sam was right. And knowing she would be hurt if Janet felt like she couldn't come to her for help.

"Ok, I get it," she capitulated. "But I really need you to take better care of yourself."

"I do ok. And you do better," Sam charmed with a smile. "I'm fine."

Impervious, Janet spun her around again and ran her thumb deeply across the steel band of Sam's trapezius muscle. Her whimper of pain was completely involuntary and Janet absolutely felt a twinge of guilt at causing it. She ran her thumb back down the muscle with similar results, then stopped. "You are not fine," Janet stated firmly. "That's not what fine sounds like."

Sam turned back to her, her face a lot less open than before, and Janet sensed they were about to have 'a discussion'. Sam hated opening up bits of herself, even to Janet, and whenever she knew she needed to her armor dropped into place. Janet hated it, but she knew that trying to strip away Sam's protective strategies would only be selfishness.

"Jan, I'm fine," she started intentionally evenly. "My muscles ache because I've abused them all day, and I have a headache from these dumb monitors I've been staring at for hours. I'm hungry, thirsty, and tired, I miss being with you away from here, and I have no idea when I'm going to be able to address any of that."

"But I'm still fine. None of that will kill me. I'm fine."

"That's your bar?" Janet asked, treading carefully. "If it won't kill you then it's ok?" 

Sam paused for a second, gauging the question, then nodded with a shrug.

"That's..." _Stupid, short sighted, wrong._

The possibilities rattled around in her head as she tried to come up with the exact right wording. The whole conversation had come up so quickly, and was important, and Janet lamented how unprepared she was. She worried about Sam constantly, fretting over all the things that she knew Sam didn't give enough deference, and this was suddenly her opportunity to understand it. Maybe even make it better somehow.

"...frightening." Janet finally finished.

Sam's face clouded involuntarily. She didn't like Janet worrying about her, and Janet knew that - knew that when she chose her response. But as Sam's silence lingered, and the storm across her features darkened into something scarier, Janet wondered if she'd pushed too hard, too fast.

"Talk to me," Janet implored, knowing that Sam was fighting some internal battle without her and worried that things were getting too dark in there for one person alone.

"I don't mean to scare you." Sam answered bitterly, like it was the worst offense she could think of. And perhaps to her it was. They'd been together for a while, but Sam's past had dark spots they didn't really talk much about, and Janet knew there were scars she hadn't uncovered yet. Scars she hadn't been allowed to see.

"I know that. I know you don't. I'm not angry." She grasped at Sam's hands, rubbing the adductor muscle in circles with her thumb. "It's ok."

"It's not. I don't want you to worry." Sam looked up at her with an sadness in her eye that Janet felt in her soul. "But this is the life I have. It's the life I built. It's full of aches and pains and disappointments and a thousand things that are more important than all of them."

Sam looked miserable, suddenly, and Janet ached for whatever was coming next.

"Maybe it was all a mistake. I don't know, it may have been. I just... when I built it, I had no idea that I would ever be sharing it with somebody."

"Oh," Janet breathed out, feeling the words a bit like a blow. Janet simply couldn't imagine a universe where Sam didn't find somebody that adored her, and the fact that it was the only universe Sam had envisioned for herself tore at her. "Honey -"

Sam interrupted her with a firm shake of her head. "Don't," she stated firmly. "Please don't."

"Ok," Janet retreated, to start again. "But, you get it. Don't you see? Those thousands of things," she parroted back to Sam without a hint of mocking. "They're more important to you, and maybe even more important in the grand scheme of everything, but they aren't to me. I can see in your eyes that you know that."

Janet swallowed, the emotion of the conversation clogging her throat. "To me your well being is one of the most important things in the world." She was not going to cry but her heart felt full, and tender, as she thought about Sam and her burdens, and her work, and its toll, and how she had sought it out willingly and alone.

"And not just so you can go spend it helping other people, or saving the universe. You deserve some peace - everyone does. For you. Whatever that means to you, you deserve it."

A sniffle escaped, and Janet hated herself a little for it. 

"I know you can't stop doing what you do, even if I don't understand exactly why it's so all consuming. And that's ok," she soothed immediately, urgently, sensing a tension build through their hands still linked together.

"But I need you to understand how that hurts me. And how taking care of you would help me find **my** peace. So just... I get, maybe, that you can't take care of yourself they way I need you to. But maybe you could let me do it."

"Maybe?" she added again, massively unsure.

Sam sat for an eternity, staring into the middle space between her an Janet, contemplating, while Janet waited doing the same until, slowly, Sam leaned forward so her head was resting against Janet's sternum. 

"What if I don't know how?" She asked, sounding lost. "I thought since I could make everything fine eventually, it was enough."

"Not for me, when it comes to you," Janet responded honestly. "I don't want you to just be fine later. I want you to be better now. Especially if it's something I can make happen. I've spent a lot of time building up a life too. One where I can sometimes take someone's suffering an make it less."

Feeling bold, Janet shifted slightly. "Here, let me just..." and before Sam could object, or overthink, Janet brought her hands up and started a light massage on her shoulders. The angles were all wrong since they were facing each other, and her collar and clothes got it the way, but Janet made it work. 

"We can start slow. As slow as you want really. Now, relax." And somehow, against any bets Janet would have laid down, Sam did. 

She whimpered as Janet pressed a little harder, necessary to accomplish anything against the tight bands under her fingertips, and Janet lightened her touch for a few passes.

"Is this ok?" she questioned softly.

"Yes but," Sam pulled away mostly and looked up at her. "Not here."

"Right," Janet agreed. "How about when we get home. After you figure out those last two sensors?"

Janet saw a little of Sam's hesitance drop away at her words and she congratulated herself.

"Yeah? Ok," Sam agreed on a small smile, sounding more like herself than she had for most of the conversation. "We're really close."

Janet nodded, as confident as always that Sam could fix it. And if she left one hand on Sam's shoulder, probing tired muscles gently, neither felt the need to mention it.

**Author's Note:**

> I missed these two. A lot.  
> I may be back.


End file.
